Slogan #32
Don't wait in ambush.
This slogan is all about how easy it is to hold a grudge and to plot revenge on those people who have harmed us. Resentment is addictive in the same way that drugs, shopping, exercise, food, alcohol, and tv can be. We become complacent in our reactive habits—Buddhism calls this “samsara.” The pattern of samsara is determined by our stress response: “You wronged me? How dare you insult me! I’ll wait for the right moment to exact revenge.” Cycles of confusion and bitterness that can last a lifetime are created between individuals and among organizations and nations.
What is the antidote given our focus on compassion? Forgiveness. I’ve spent many years believing that there are unforgivable acts, that it was okay to write certain people off as unworthy of my attention. And then I read this quote by Desmond Tutu: “To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things. The depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger. However, when I talk of forgiveness, I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person. A better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive, then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator.”
The practice of letting go of resentment begins with Anne Lamott’s definition of forgiveness: “giving up all hope of having had a better past.” Letting go and starting over is integral to the process of forgiveness. Letting go of the past and emptying our cup allows us to begin again and to fully embrace the present moment. This is the process of renewal, just as we let go of thoughts in order to return to breath, we let go of insults and wrongs in order to return to our natural state of joy.
To forgive is both difficult and profound and requires compassion and the courage to be with suffering and to face what is most frightening without turning away or shutting down. Sit with the following questions: Is there something that I’ve done that feels unforgivable? Can I forgive myself? Can I ask others for forgiveness? Can I forgive others who have harmed me? Is there someone that I can’t forgive?
The ability to feel joy is directly proportional to the ability to forgive. Remember to ask yourself these two questions at the end of each day: How deeply did I love? How fully was I able to let go?