Slogan #49

Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.

What is resentment? Resentment can be defined as a cascade of intensely bitter emotions that are recycled every time we recall exactly how we were wronged. Resentment is a fundamental emotion that is a reality of our human experience. Alcoholics Anonymous’ 12-step program included the following in its Big Book: “Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else.” Our meditation practice allows for an intimate portrait of the suffering that ensues when we feel insulted.

Slogan #49 urges us to consider resentment as a reminder to practice and to take a deep dive into the destructive parts of ourselves to better understand our habitual reactive narratives. Do we deny, distract, comfort, avoid, and/or apply logic to “fix” the problem? Do these strategies work? Is there a root emotion that precedes resentment? Resentment can be transformed into Resiliency when we use Lojong practices to open up to ourselves in order to face our self-deceptions. We become our own teachers through the deliberate practice of Tonglen. Tonglen compassionately reframes the part of ourselves that is seething and suffering.

When I feel that I am treated unfairly then resentment arises and often manifests as anger directed at myself for not maintaining healthy boundaries. My habit is to watch my mind replaying the offending incident over and over again. Through meditation, however, I have learned to lean into my reactive self and the felt sense of feeling trapped. I describe the weight, temperature, colour, energy, and intensity of the particular resentment that is front and centre. My sit begins with resting in the spaces between breaths to create space between myself and the resentment that I’m feeling. Then I lean in to notice what lies underneath the resentment when I’m able to release the narrative. Mostly it is fear that is the primary emotion but sometimes it’s shame or greed that bubbles up. My Tonglen practice is directed at my heart centre and self-compassion by breathing in the irritation, pain, and insult and exhaling out luminous light to offer relief and freedom to everyone who is similarly caught.

Lojong training allows us to traverse the emotional spectrum from resentment to resiliency. Resiliency is the ability to bounce back; to be resourceful; to adjust and respond to stress in life-affirming ways. Resiliency is our inherent capacity to see beauty and hope and to find connections with something larger than ourselves. We are training to be better at life.

“The investigation of resentment and of all afflictive emotions is the most powerful and the most beneficial of all practices. The peace that we are seeking is less than half as good as the investigation of resentment, anger, greed, fear, and so on. These are basic visceral, human emotions. They are our great treasure. So we should always stay close when they arise in us, so that we can meditate on them.”

Norman Fischer