Slogan #31

Don't malign others.

The Lojong slogans can be considered as either prohibitions or aspirations; they are simply both sides of the same coin. “Don’t malign others” can be reframed to “be kind and generous” as a compassionate call to action.

Bernard Meltzer was an American radio host who is credited with the following quote: “Before you speak, ask yourself if what you’re about to say is useful, necessary, and kind.” Aspiring to reduce harm and destructiveness is one of the most important reasons for contemplation, self-awareness, and meditation. These practices encourage us to find balance between reactivity and suppression and between indulgence and asceticism. We do so in four major ways: by recognizing what’s true, resourcing ourselves, regulating thoughts, feelings, and actions, and by relating skillfully to ourselves and others. This is the process of cultivating our muscles of compassion. At the end of each day, reflect on your ability to act skilfully. Was there something that you could have said differently? How can you plant seeds of care and service? Remember Karma? Every action has an effect. How can you be a force for good?

Buddhism refers to the metaphor of the ‘first dart’ as life’s unavoidable pains—inevitable things like sickness and death. The physical pains of distress and illness and the psychological pains of adversity and loss can be societal, systemic, structural, familial, racial, social, and generational. But then we add insult to injury with our judgements and reactions to these inescapable conditions. The second darts are self-inflicted wounds which include feeling entitled, holding grudges, overreacting to little things, and ruminating about past injustices. To malign someone is to throw a second dart and create a malignant tumor in yourself. As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”