Slogan #2
Regard all dharma as dreams; although experiences may seem solid, they are passing memories
Reflection:
At the beginning of my practice, I felt a separation between my body and mind. It was difficult to find a place of steadiness that came from within. My breathing felt ragged, constrained, and short. This continued for a while as my mind raced through today's to-do lists, adding unaccomplished tasks from previous days.
Thich Nhat Hanh's voice popped into the back of my mind and said,
“Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.”
“Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.”
I started noticing myself breathing in and out. I tried to use this mantra as I focused on my breath, softened my muscles, and slowed down my racing thoughts. As I continued, I felt my toes curl, my fists clench, and my skin tighten. My body gripped itself, unable to let go, just as my thoughts unraveled into rumination. I was stuck with the stories, creating ways to solve them, fearing the future, and ultimately, my mind traveled to another dimension. Away from my body. Away from the present moment.
Instead of fighting the natural reactions of my body and mind, I channeled my focus back to the breath, the constant anchor to this moment. As I continued to notice myself breathing in and out, an opening, albeit tiny, appeared, and compassion filled the void as each inhale and exhale brought different messages to the forefront.
My body felt attacked. Uncomfortable in my seat, a feeling rose from my belly. It traveled up toward my chest, tightening above my left breastbone, and the sensation stopped at the base of my throat. And I said to myself,
“I acknowledge this. I notice the experience and the solidity of it.”
Then I repeated the mantra,
“Breathing in, I know I am breathing in.”
“Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.”
For a moment, the sensation passed, warmth covered my body, and then I returned to the dream.
For me, this slogan has been a difficult one to practice. It showed me that I lacked compassion for myself, but it was also the doorway to the 59 Slogans of Lojong.
